WARNING: reading this blog post may bring you happier days, more productivity and smiles that stretch so far that you have to increase your anti-wrinkle regimen due to the overwhelming happiness. consider yourself warned.
hey pretty lady! can you believe you just put up with me in a foreign country for 10 days? you deserve a medal! in fact, you deserve a medal for far more than that. it always blows my mind (and everyone else’s!) that we have the same exact birthday – wild right? i know i wasn’t in your original life plan – and call me biased – but i’m pretty happy you decided to keep me around 😉
we’ve had quite the standard mother-daughter relationship where it makes me want to have some little girls of my own to cuddle up to and relate to and be bffs with but also makes me want to only have boys after what i put you through growing up! girls in their teens, man. i was no exception!
it was really when i went away to college
it has arrived. the apparently “dreaded” end of my 20’s. the decade where i had my first legal drink, my first serious relationships, my first serious heartbreak, interned in NYC, graduated from college, moved to NYC, moved into my apartment, got a job, got a boyfriend, switched jobs, ….switched boyfriends, switched hair colors to brown, switched it back to blonde, welcomed two nephews and a niece into my life, watched my sister get married, saw my team
“roots” = a scary word for a blonde inciting the nervousness that is having a pay a few hundred dollars every 6-8 weeks to keep up the appearance that you’re not a brunette. why do I do this to myself? sorry this is not the point of this blog.
i moved to NYC with a life i very strongly felt rooted in:
- I was a Pollard, which meant i had a close knit massive family of inviting warm hysterical aunts/uncles/cousins/siblings etc. with parents and a family home i grew up in and that was who i was – a Pollard.
- I was also an Ajemian, my mom’s family with strong and proud Armenian roots that I’ve always felt passionately connected to – as the Armenians are a people with a history i cherish, especially as close to home as it is.
- I was an ambitious and hard worker – always having multiple jobs through college as well as an internship and full time student hours, involved in community organizations and social groups. I loved being busy, I knew my career path and I was laser focused on making My DrEaMs CoMe TruE. moving to New York was a clear part of that plan.
once i moved here, my life took on other “branches” let’s say, just for the sake of this metaphor:
- I met someone and we fell in love and were together for a few years, 3 i guess. He taught me so much about myself (being older than me…much older actually), about experiences he’d had, about what i wanted, how to communicate, how to be in a strong happy relationship. We had our ups and downs but we were a place that felt stable and consistent and lucky.
- I met new friends, my city friends, and we became inseparable – always at happy hour, brunch, and any free event we could find in the city to maximize our dwindling bank accounts. We were our home away from home, each others “rock”. Accepting, loving, and I was thankful for that.
then 2015 happened and decided to punch me in the face. not metaphorically, literally. ok fine metaphorically…nobody punched me in the face, don’t worry.
i woke up January 1st with all of the above perfectly in place and tucked away in it’s neat little compartments exactly as they should be. Come April, every one of those identifying factors would have changed in my life.
I lost my job – the fashion industry is a tough place right now and it’s impossible to know if you have job stability anymore. being on of the most recent hires, I was one of the 20 people who sadly had to go. No more job.
My close sister-like friend and I had a falling out over what we deemed as necessary or good in regards to how people treat each other in a friendship. She felt I should be acting a certain way, I completely disagree. We went our separate ways. No more close friend.
My then-boyfriend had moved to Philly for family reasons and it made us have difficult talks about us and our future together, one that didn’t seem so sure anymore as I wanted “kids” to be an option in my future whereas for him it was a hard no. So we ended abruptly and didn’t speak again for years. No more boyfriend.
The biggest one was the announcement that my parents separated, or announced a divorce, i don’t remember the process to be honest.. In order to spare their personal lives on the internet, I won’t get into the details. But this one tore me apart the most, and quite honestly was most shocking. Seeing other friends’ parents getting divorced, I had thought about what I would do in the same situation and I always came back to the thought of “well if they want to be happy, they should have that right” – a thought that still rings true in my mind, but that doesn’t always ring the same in how someone feels. and I felt shattered. Maybe it was how it all went down or maybe it was the fact that it actually did that changed my perspective on it , but I felt like I lost a major part of my life. I felt like I had “no more family”.
All of this loss and change happening in a 3 month period to someone nearing their 27th birthday can really rock someone to their core. I needed to catch a break, I needed something stable. I had my apartment and quite honestly, probably became the homebody I now am because it was my consistent in this whole transition. A proverbial tornado had come through my little world and uprooted all the anchors that I had in my life.
I couldn’t classify myself as part of the unit that was our little family because it didn’t exist anymore. I didn’t have my job. I lost one of my best friends. I wasn’t “his” girlfriend anymore. What are you when you lose all of the things in life that you feel all of your connection to? I have never felt so lost in my life, so confused, so alone. Thankfully never suicidal, but definitely depressed. And I was always the stable unemotional one so I didn’t feel like I was allowed to be anything strong and unaffected, but whattttt a façade that was. Simply, I was a fucking mess.
I didn’t resort to drugs, or sleeping around, i probably drank a little more than i should but to be honest i still do that and i’m a happy functioning adult so that’s probably never going to change much sorry mom. I don’t think I really did this because I knew at the time that I needed to re-create my own foundation, but moreso that I needed a distraction, but that’s when I really threw myself back into work ( i thankfully found a job very quickly) and soon later this blog/my podcast (RIP). Looking back, it was the best coping mechanism – the creation of my own outlet. First it started as social media where I found i’m fascinated by how people interact on Instagram/Facebook/Twitter, the differentiations of them all, how to create engaging content and creative stories and I found that i love that tool of marketing – and still do. I love to share, I love to create, both things that have made my blog and podcast so successful.
Throwing myself into these channels after losing the “tree” of what I once was allowed me to re-plant and re-grow. I was forced to ask myself “who is Ashli when she’s not a part of this family unit, when she’s not his girlfriend, when her friends change, and when she isn’t defined by her career?” A necessary question and one that maybe we should all ask ourselves to get to the core of you’re TrUe SeLf. God I hate corny things like that. but really, i challenge you to ask the same things. Who are you if you woke up tomorrow and lost everything external you tie yourself to?I am a goofball. I’m an oversharer. I love connecting with people. I like to hear peoples stories. I LOVE FOOD. Cooking is my happy place. I live in organized chaos. I would eat carnitas tacos and cinnamon sugar donuts every day for the rest of my life if i had to pick one thing..or i guess two. I truly believe you can laugh your way through everything. Communication is key for me. I believe genuine apologies show strength and character, never weakness. I am sooo in love with my college friends. Travel is vital to my happiness. and sometimes it’s better for everything to rain at once than to sprinkle it through a lifetime. Losing it all felt horrific and … honestly i can’t put it into words. But i’m thankful for the opportunity it gave me to figure out who i am without those things, because who knows if i would have otherwise.
Love you all
is it me or does December feel like it’s 4 seconds long and January feels like it’s 19 weeks? so here we are, 19 weeks later and we’ve got FEBRUARRYYYY. THE MONTH OF LOVE. of VALENTINE’s DAY CARDS. and CHOCOLATE. and DINNER DATES.
……and pressure. and fights. and gross names like smoochybearloverkins. okay fine, Valentine’s Day is pretty much the worst but i still feel like there are ways we can celebrate some looooove in the air. why not spend some extra time this month giving you some solid self love? i assure you that you need it. know how i know? cause you’re human. and we’re all overworked and somewhat in debt and never really doing everything right. WHICH IS FINE. so let’s make this the month we go back to basics and give ourselves some hugs for once.
i mean, cmon, we just came off of the holiday season when we all spend a littttttle too much time with family, a littttle too much time justifying our life choices, and sometimes a litttttle too much time feeling lonely. what better time than grand ol February to remind yourself that *also* are super deserving of some TLC too, right? i mean look at you, you’re the coolest??
and noooo this isn’t some single girls plea to tell you that you DoOoOnT nEeD a MaN to love yourself. self love needs to be practiced by all – i would say ESPECIALLY those in long term serious relationships or marriages because it’s so easy to forget to take time for yourself. so no matter your relationship status, sexual orientation, or dollar amount in your bank account, i love you all the same. so stay tuned for some of my favorites way of #selflove and make sure to incorporate some of these into your life.
CAUSE YOU DESERVE IT BOO.
just remember, we’re all just doin the best we can.
love you all
I have no idea how i’ll leave New York.
Nobody’s making me, or asking me to, or presenting me with additional options, but over my head looms this end date I always assumed would come to me as clearly and loudly and as bright as a Times Square billboard saying “TIMES UP”. Such a time has not come yet. I moved here almost 7 years ago, which to this day blows my mind. Even more insane to me (and most people in this always-needing-a-change city) remains that I’ve had the same apartment almost the entire time I’ve been here, making my apartment and NYC as a whole the 2nd longest place I’ve ever lived outside of my childhood home.
I moved to New York “for one year”, to knock it off my bucket list, to say I did it – “it” being something I made a promise to myself to do when I was approximately 12 years old when I came to visit with my family for the first time. I just felt at home here in a way I didn’t really in St Louis. I liked all the different types of people, of dress, the languages, the neighborhoods, the *difference* in general. St Louis has changed and grown so much and I am proud to be from that city but growing up I saw it as such a boring and bland place — too cookie cutter even for my 12 year old eyes.
let me paint a picture for the kind of kid I was growing up. I remember hanging out at the mall with my friends and walking past a Limited Too (age appropriate for me at the time) and seeing these pair of patchwork blue jeans. my friends at the time made fun of them and said they were dumb or ugly or whatever they were saying and i INSTANTLY needed to own them. OMG i found almost an EXACT picture of them!! here:
i was obsessed with making things that people thought were ugly into something cool and pretty. the girl on the playground nobody was hanging out with? let’s see what her story is. this creepy necklace with a spider on it? i bet i could make this look feminine and pretty. give me $50 and set me free in the mall and i could find an enormous amount of “Buy One Get One” sale items that nobody else wanted and rock them.
did people thing i was weird or different? totally. and i was bullied for the second half of grade school. but i did not GIVE. A. SHIT. about what these annoying girls thought of me. i dont know how i knew at 12 years old that doing what i wanted was more important than their approval but i love myself for it (and totally give some credit to my parents as well). visiting New York made me feel like EVERYONE in the city felt like they needed those patchwork jeans too. everyone marched to the beat of their own drum, they fought for their passions or careers or their demo or their fashion line and everybody around just let them be. “Do You” should be the slogan of the city, if i could be in charge of making one. I’ll talk to Cuomo about that.
i have never been in a 7 year relationship with a human but i have with this city, and i feel like this city is prepping me for the time when i am that committed to someone i love. i came here for fun, realized it’s actually a pretty cool place to be, made a home for myself and have decided i will stay here until it no longer nurtures me. the past 2 years have been years where, honestly, I’ve reeeeeeeeeally had a hard time loving it here still. i would say to people “i think i’m done with New York” and they’d say “but you’re still here! you’ve gotta love it in some way!” a valid point to which i’d respond “i hate it 49.5% and love it 50.5%” – i said this A LOT and really truly felt like it. but where would i go? what if this had to do with my job? my relationship? if i changed one of those would i like the city more? what if i went to more local NYC spots around and grew a new appreciation for the city? i didn’t really do any of that to be honest but i did do one thing – i rode it out.
if life is about peaks and valleys and ups and downs and intermittent stagnancy, after 2 years of being in a valley with how i feel about NYC, i’m back to being at a peak. everything here to me looks like a postcard i want to frame. i take internal pictures of everything – the obviously new couple holding the subway pole together and flirting; the skateboarders in union square; the chaotic traffic around Columbus Circle which nobody seems to know how to navigate; the feeling of telling a cab driver which route to take so he doesn’t screw you over; ALL of it has returned to being magic to me, and i don’t know how i could ever leave this place.
i do take it for granted. i mean, when i want to go to the art museum, my local spot is the Met – one of the most famous in the world. going to a play doesn’t mean visiting the local theater of hardworking neighbors but Broadway, the best of the best. the oysters are from a mere few miles away. my favorite restaurants where i kick my feet up and order a “usual” are lauded worldwide for their unique takes. THE PIZZA I MEAN DEAR GOD.
all the time i wonder when i’m going to leave and where in the hell i’d go – and i’m asked this consistently. i have no fucking idea how to live anywhere else. i joked with my friend who asked where i would move and said, “if i could find a place where i didn’t have to drive with incredible food and interesting people and unique things to do and it was on the East Coast (or at least the Eastern Time Zone) i would probably end up there”. her response? “Oh yeah, you’re never leaving New York”.
SAAAAAYOOOOONARAAAAAA. Listen, i’m an eternal optimist and i have plenty to reflect on within this past year to make me smile and happy and thankful and whatever roses and sunshine you want to add here, but GOOD. BYE. 2017!! You is rude, homie, but you didn’t get me down. You may have been a major year of loss and you may have taken way too much from me, but you don’t exist anymore and I don’t know many people who are happy you existed. Kind of like Jared Kushner. That’s it, you’re the Jared Kushner of years. You come in here, you don’t say much, you lay low, but low key you’re f*&%-ing ALL THIS STUFF UP behind the scenes and leaving people like WHAT THE HECK JUST HAPPENED and it’s really all your fault and now we just generally hate you. This may be the year where i look back and remember the goodbyes or the abrupt endings or the major life kinks you threw my way, but NOPE 2017, not this gal. You don’t get to win this one.
Nope, 2017 wasn’t all bad. In fact, even with anything destructive that came up this year, I wouldn’t say it was a bad year overall anyway.
- The year started with me traveling solo in a new country and remembering my love of seeing new parts of the world.
- I spent a month around the US seeing my friends and family in LA, San Diego, Dallas, Vegas , Montreal, St Louis, etc.
- I got out of what was a far-too-long-and-destructive relationship yet still found a way for us to stay friends.
- I enjoyed months of our podcast, a project that is still one of my favorite things i’ve done in life EVER.
- I helped my mom start a new chapter in her life by moving her to one of the COOLEST cities i’ve been to (Raleigh NC if you didn’t know!).
- I celebrated my birthday with friends i’ve known for decades and friends i’ve made in NYC on a boat cruise on the Hudson.
- I reconnected with someone from my childhood and they have since become a very important person in my life.
- I spent time with my pup before it was time for her to go, and got to tell her i love her and hold her while we said goodbye (although sad, i’m so happy i got to be there for that moment with my girl – RIP baby!).
- I watched my sister and her husband set out on one of the COOLEST adventures i’ve seen someone take, traveling around the country in a van they built by hand into a tiny home (have you checked out @gnomad_home?).
- I got to see my Ajemian side of the family more than I normally have and bonded so much deeper with them in a really cool way.
- I got to see one of my closest friends get married to a guy that i like to think i set up…even though i did absolutely nothing lol.
- I visited Raleigh 4 (or 5?) times! And fell in love with it <3
- I built this blog up to be way bigger than it has in recent months/years.
- I learned a lot about the inner workings of our brains – this is my positive outlook on having a brain injury!! lol
- I have learned so much about our American politics and can proudly say that I have partaken in marches, letter writing campaigns and many a phone call to my senators (YO CHUCK AND KIRSTEN! how you doinnn) and voiced my opinion on different subjects.
- I chopped my hair!!! EEEEEE!! And I shockingly love it still.
- I fell in love … and remembered it still exists.
- Life reminded me that love sometimes isn’t enough and when people show you who they are, believe them the first time.
- I saw the young woman I babysat for as a young child sing on Broadway … and realized I need to get her autograph before she wins a Tony.
- I enjoyed many trips to LA and got even closer to my crew out there and spent the summer showing some around my lovely city of NYC.
- I saw Book of Mormon on Broadway! and the World Trade Center Observatory! and experienced so many new restaurants in this city that I love!
- I had a WIIIILD time with my gifriends in Vegas – a trip I hardly remember and won’t ever forget, but loved and laughed every single second of that trip! Round 2 in July and my body already hates me.
- I took time off work to recollect my thoughts and deal with some demons and enjoy a minute to breathe and have come back to work excited and ready to go.
- I got to show my brother and sister-in-law all my favorite corners of the city and had Katz Deli for the first time!
- I spent Christmas with one of my favorite people – going to the ballet, to beautiful dinners, and enjoying all the festivities around beautiful NYC!
BRING IT ON 2018!! I see nothing but good things and continuing on the up-and-up – especially since I turn 30 !! tiny bit of EEK but huge amount of YAYYYY!
I learned a lot about myself this year and what I need in different aspects – from professional to personal to romantic needs, and can be an even better Ashli next year. It’s interesting to experience losing so many things that you tie your identity to at one time – mass changes make you question your life – like who am I when everything falls away? When it’s just me? 2017 made me answer that question (forcefully! but thankfully) and I’m happy to go into 2018 stronger than ever, alive, healthy and fine, most definitely extremely hungover. XOXO
another monday? like cmon guys. aren’t we past these things? can’t the week just start on Tuesdays?
well if we must be here, let’s jump the week off on the RIGHT FOOT and focus on being our absolute best selves. it’s the least we can do right? and with that – installment number 2 of Lessons I’ve Learned (so you don’t have to).
let’s just do this, shall we.
LESSON 1: If you spend money, you don’t have it anymore.
this is QUITE THE SHOCKING revelation, to me. had i known that every time i swiped my debit card i’d have less money than before, i’d probably be going to less dinners and buying less flights….ok no i wouldn’t but i’d have sacrificed something else so i could actually *afford* those things. one of my main goals lately is getting My FiNaNcEs iN OrdeR (ugh) because i’m a very mature responsible adult with a savings account, great credit score and no debt HAHAHAHA. but THATS THE GOAL! less drunk purchases on Amazon (it’s my version of a drunk dial, but i get a present for myself 2 days later instead of regret in the morning!) and more “do i need this?” questioning so as to prevent needless purchasing. it’s time i spend money wisely. which is LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMEEEEEE. but it’s time.
LESSON 2: It’s important to be selfish … in a way.
Now, i’m not urging you to take over conversations, not listen to your friends, only prioritize your happiness, etc. but i do believe there are some times in our weeks (or days even!) where we need a minute to be totally left alone or not needing to explain ourselves. Why don’t i want to go to happy hour? Maybe i just don’t wanna. Why am I having ice cream for dinner? Cause it’s sounds delicious and it’s only 2 scoops. Are you still watching Ozark? Why yes, Netflix, i’m obviously watching this obsessively amazing tv show in the privacy of my own home. Take some moments of your day, your week, whatever to do something without having to answer to someone. If you need a little something special to make life easier, you owe it to nobody to explain. Especially if it’s ice cream.
LESSON 3: The strongest people don’t always appear as such.
I have a person in my life who I love very dearly and man have they been through the ringer in life over the past couple years. Just gettin hit left and right wam-bam and expected to keep going with a smile on her face – which, to note, she does! this gal is hysterical, optimistic, always willing to help, very positive and everyone in her presence is happier when she’s around. So what’s the problem Ash?! I know. She, like all of us, have times when things aren’t so easy, when she breaks down a bit more and i made the mistake of having little patience with this as though she’s on top of the world having everything go her way. NO, self. Bad move. COMPASSION was the answer, not impatience, and I failed. I was annoyed and completely uncaring of what she was going through and having since apologized, hope that the next time shes feeling a bit weaker or sad, i can show her overwhelming empathy and love instead of annoyance at her short fuse.
LESSON 4: Cancel the free trial subscription before it charges your card.
You win, Cinemax.
LESSON 5: ASK! You never know what the answer may be.
If it’s true you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take, then I need to start playing basketball…soon! Lately i’ve been doing this thing called “ASKING FOR WHAT YOU WANT” in a cool confident manner and i’m 10/10 on receiving said requests. Some examples:
- A meeting I wasn’t invited to. “Hey! Could I sit in on this? Seems beneficial for me to be there and I wasnt invited”. Turns out – I was supposed to be, good thing I asked!
- Checking for accuracy on my SkyMiles account (hey i’m close to Silver status!!): “i really think there should be another flight on there to/from Raleigh around “x” date. Can you just double check for me?” – whaddya know, they missed not only 1 flight, but TWO because my name was spelled incorrectly and it gave me more miles and even closer to Silver!
- Requesting clarity on something that sounded really offensive: “Sorry what exactly do you mean by that?” resulted in me finding out that the statement said was totally misused and the insult was actually a great compliment but worded incorrectly.]
- Asking a GUY on a date that i always had a crush on and was recently single: “Hey! Great to see you the other night – next time, you and i should get a drink sometime if you’re interested :)” – annnnnnnnnnd it worked. (keep you posted, i’ll sabotage it in a week.)
- EVEN an increase in salary: “Listen, I know it’s not much but this “x” amount would really make a difference in my happiness here especially considering my performance with ____ and ____.” Guess who got the extra amount requested?
so ASK. what’s the worst that could happen? At the end of the day, these all result in a better understanding of each others points of views and sides of a particular matter, and regardless of the answer, that’s a great goal to accomplish anyway.
I hope I help provide some clarity for you guys. My life is certainly not perfect, I’m lightyears away from being that myself, I learn consistently how to be better for different people, scenarios, or conversations and i hope this continues forever. If i’ve said it once, i’ve said it a million times but – we’re all just doing the best we can! xx Ashli
YOU GUYS HOW MUCH ARE WE LOVING THIS WEATHER THIS WEEK. pretttyyyyyyy pretttyyyyyy pretty good. ps. if you get this reference i love you and would like to be your friend for life.
i’m back in the city (womp womp) after one of my favorite thanksgivings (yay!) and after a time of gratitude comes a moment of reflection, for me at least, to think back on what i may have learned or what i can do to continue growing and learning and being better all the time. and failing consistently 🙂
WITH THAT, i decided to start a new portion of the blog similar to what i had on the original AwaE that i’ll be titling “Lessons I’ve Learned So You Don’t Have To” – sharing small or large lessons in life that ive come to realize are worth sharing to the general public. let me know if YOUUU have any recent lessons learned as well, we can all be better together. or fail consistently 🙂
LESSON 1: It’s not up to you to decide what some else needs or wants.
LET”S SAY FOR INSTANCE THAT YOU ARE FULL ON THANKSGIVING OKAY? and lets ALSO say that you still feel like having a slice of blueberry pie because yolo, idgaf, or any other acronym you feel is appropriate. THEN LETS SAY YOUR MOM doesn’t feel its best for you to keep eating after a full plate of food and you say “WOMAN you don’t know my life!”
I realize this is an isolated incident but we can all learn from this in some way.
my point is this: in many different times in life someone will tell you what they need from you – be it an employer, a friend, a mother who is vastly underrating your need for decadent berry pies, or even a loved one/partner. You may, like I have in the past, dismissed these requests or decided that things can happen in your own timeline because maybe you know better. however, what if you were the one stating your needs? Would you appreciate it if someone heard your calm fair request and dismissed it all together? Probably not. Thus, if someone wants hypothetical pie – listen to them, and allow them to make their own decisions because they know better than you do MOM.
LESSON 2: Details. Matter.
i’ll cut to the chase. if you send an important email to someone that you’re copy and pasting from a different email, remember to change the person’s name. not a good move. read your emails twice.
LESSON 3: Follow your gut.
Me: this guy just sent me a DM saying “you are by far the most beautiful girl on the planet in my eyes and I had to be honest and tell you” but i feel like thats a little creepy so i’m going to ignore it.
Friend: no say something! DMs are the new dating app!!
Me: that sounds incorrect…
Friend: don’t say nothing. just say “that’s so nice, thank you!”
Me: …ugh fine… *sends message*
DM Bro: Listen i think we could have a good time together. look, i’m not some overweight 400 lb guy *proceeds to send me gym selfies of muscles larger than my thigh and a selfie of him driving in his car*
i knew i didnt want to say anything and open up the flood gates, especially after RICKKK, but i listened and acquiesced and realized, oh wait! i knew deep down this was going to happen anyway, i shouldve just listened to myself.
this also applies when exes continue telling you they miss you and they want to get back together and you’re like ugh i really dont feel like it but should i? and then you hang out and you’re like ew gross how did i like you and you regret meeting up and knew better but anyway thats unrelated.
or is it?
Lesson 4: Don’t look back – you’re not going that way…
(but do it for the shot if your booty looks good in your jeans hehe lolz)
let’s say you quit your job. you get fired. you break up with someone. you get dumped. you move to a new city. you make the (totally masochistic) decision to be vegan. YOU MAKE A CHOICE. what kinda time do you want to waste sitting back wondering if you made the right one? it’s a silly yet totally natural thing to dwell, to wonder. but it just makes. no. sense. friends. you’re smart. you know yourself. you weighed the pros and cons. so trust that you did whats best!
for instance – recently, i’ve considered going back to someone that was just…wrong. for many reasons. he made an enticing argument that sure, i considered for a second, but the thing is that – it’s one thing to give someone (or something or a place or a job) another chance if you feel it’s right. i’m a large proponent of “fighting for something” or making a good thing that’s worth it work. it’s quite another, though, to give 6 second chances. if something just doesn’t work, don’t waste your time going back to it. move forward – better things lie ahead, i assure you. i promise you. i know from experience.
Lesson 5: Most of what you worry about won’t happen anyway.
guys, i’ve spent the past month with many sleepless nights, a few breakdowns, a couple freakouts, an embarrassing amount of starting arguments (cute!) et. al. super concerned about some test results i was waiting to receive from the doctor…news that could’ve been scary. BUT i found out today that ALL IS WELL and i can carry on with life as usual and come back to see them in June and i’m GOOOOD SON. WOO. thank the LAWDD!! PARTY ON WAYNE.
BUT I COULDVE BEEN SLEEPING WELL AND EATING NORMALLY AND NOT HAVING PANIC ATTACKS LIKE A PSYCHO. so next time i have something weighing on me, making me nervous, NOTED. let’s wait to see if the “bad” even comes. most of the time, it wont. K GUYS?
generally, life is good. great, even. FaLL DoWn 7 TiMeS, GeT Up 8. i know, annoying. but true! learn from mistakes! bounce back! be nice to yourself, like speak to yourself like you’d speak to a best friend.
you is smart. you is kind. you is important.
i came up with that on my own, don’t google it, it’s not from a movie.
again – super curious of your own life lessons recently! share them with me here, or on IG, or in my DMs. just don’t send me your gym selfies 🙂 *wink*
loveyoumeanitBYE xx AP
happy Thanksgiving week my friends and loves! if you know me, or have followed me this year, you know it’s been a doozy. lot of changes, many surprises, (one too many Ricks) but so many wonderful great moments as well. i looked around the table last night and got a bit teary eyed with how much i love my people. when my mom, sister and i are together, all we do is laugh hysterically – seriously, put us in a padded room and we’ll have a blast for HOURS. i feel so lucky and overwhelmingly thankful for our ability to always stay positive and to make the most of the little time we get to spend together.
generally, our lives are golden. we have our basic needs met, we are healthy, we have each other, and we’re able to see each other whenever we like, thanks to modern technology and facetime (although i’m sure my mom would like me to stop facetiming her after a night out while she tries to sleep)(i’m a menace)(i think i realize why i’m single)(anyway)
normally, the tradition for many is to enjoy thanksgiving then go HAM on some Black Friday/Cyber Monday deals – whether it be on clothing, electronics, etc. i’ve never really been someone to partake in the Black Friday thing – it’s just not my jam for some reason. maybe instead of Cyber Monday, we can opt out of a couple of those key item purchases and put a few bucks to people who might need our help – people who don’t have the opportunity to sit around a table with loved ones and have tears in their eyes because they feel so loved and so thankful and that life is *generally* pretty good.
ASHLI’S LIST OF NON PROFITS THAT ARE TOTALLY RAD AND DESERVING OF YOUR TIME AND ATTENTION AND OF COURSE YOUR DOLLARS OKAY I THINK WE GET THE PICTURE
click the name of the charity to donate <3
- ACLU (American Civil Liberties Union): the ACLU is a nonprofit organization who works to make sure all people in the US are given the rights and liberties they deserve. you’d think it would be of utmost importance to… oh i dont know… the President? to ensure these rights and liberties are respected, but since it is not, please consider donating to this amazing group so they can continue doing wonderful rewarding work.
- The people of Puerto Rico: did you know PR is experiencing the worst power outage in US history? did you know people still dont have water, food, etc? i can’t imagine having a dead phone for more than 3 hours without losing my MIND and i need at least 5 full meals per day or i’m not a happy camper – can you imagine how these people feel? these are fellow citizens – citizens who DON’T have the right to vote in our elections, mind you. lets, oh i don’t know, not forget about them. the rebuild is going to be exhausting and challenging – i can’t imagine if that was my home.
- St Jude Children’s Research Hospital: St Judes has been important to me for years when i fell madly in love with the kids in their hospital, which is used to treat children with cancer as well as work to find a cure/alternative treatments. in college, i worked with a small team of people to orchestrate a campus wide event to raise money for this cancer research hospital and through that year, learned all about the inner workings of this place and to say it’s incredible is the largest understatement.
- Planned Parenthood: hi i’m a woman and a lot of men sit around tables and make decisions about bodies they don’t understand because they “know better” even though i bet they each have 90% fake orgasm rates with their partners i mean what? no but really people depend on these services, so give a little and help a lot.
’tis the season, as they say! now that October is over and we’ve had Thanksgiving i can LEGALLY SAY CHRISTMAS THINGS like “spread joy and love” and “the holidays are about giving” because i think we all agree it should be illegal to start anything Christmas before Thanksgiving but that’s neither here nor there.
if life is as good for you as it has been for me, pitfalls and bumps in the road and all, let’s take care of some other people. i spend 90% of my money on having an overly abundant social life. maybe i’ll cut out some things i like to do and spend that money instead on a family who needs food or people who are concerned about their rights. hope you all had a wonderful holiday with family and the small pies filled with fresh berries you deserve <3
LoVe YaAaAaA ~*~*~ !!! ew. k bye. xx Ashli