If you had asked me a year ago about what I viewed were my strengths and weaknesses in a relationship, I would’ve easily and openly said one of my weaknesses is that I tend to be controlling. Or attempt to be controlling that is – if you think about it, a person labelled as “controlling” isn’t necessarily successful with their attempt to dictate a situation; they’re moreso attempting to do so. For instance, I’m someone who feels passionately about people that i fall for and when that (rarely) happens, I’ll do a lot to make something work.
Now there’s nothing wrong with working on or fighting to make a relationship work but a fine line exists between believing and supporting something and attempting to manipulate the situation as a whole– a line I only learned existed last year.
As with most things, I was in a relationship that strictly didn’t work for a number of reasons, mainly that he wasn’t someone who was able to give to a relationship what you should. Call it timing, call it differences, I didn’t care and I was determined not to let it go, and this is where control comes in. The honest truth (that I knew deep down) was that we were two puzzle pieces that just didn’t fit, and instead of gracefully accepting that and moving forward with my life to find a different puzzle piece, I wanted to curve my edges and bend him so that we could fit together. This is not “working through a relationship” – this is forcing one to work that doesn’t. We all do this with something in our lives, it’s inevitable I think because it’s an important lesson to learn.
A year ish later, and as life will have it, I find myself in a situation where I feel that same strong passionate excited feeling as I’ve felt before, but thankfully without the need to dictate the future and a better sense of how to let go of what I cant control. I’ll be honest, I’ve continually been surprised at myself with my ability to step back and say to myself “that’s out of my hands”. The obsessing has stopped, the worry has stopped, the need to have an OVERLY active hand in my life dissipated. Being someone who is so type A as I am, I like to think I am able to say “this is how this should be and this is how I want it to be and I will make it happen because that’s what I do”. This works very well professionally, not so much in relationships – of any kind.
I’ve learned my lesson. I’ve learned that sometimes if you let things pass or let something you’re CoNviNcEd is the “RIGHT” thing unfold naturally, you’re most often brought to something better and more fulfilling. I’m happy I learned this lesson, not all lessons stick … at least with me… but it’s a good one, guys. Sometimes we all just need a reminder – the best things often come out of nowhere and when/where you least expect them. Let things happen, let jobs/people/opportunities come and go as they do and focus on the only thing that you CAN control: yourself.
I pride myself on being an eternal optimist but what’s funny is that a little pessimism actually helped me out in this lesson: no matter what you do, whether you let life happen or try to play puppeteer in your life, people leave or hurt you or things fall apart or they don’t and people stay and they love you and your relationships grow and grow. Knowing that either will happen – and no matter the outcome you’ll be totally fine, is (I think) what helped this settle in my head. Whatever choices, whatever actions another human being chooses or does is actually totally out of our control.
So be you, react to situations in a way of “is this who I want to be?” and know that regardless of what comes into your life, you’ll be just fine. Let life or God or the universe or whatever you believe/don’t believe in happen and guide you. You’re awesome and you’re doing just fine.
Thanks for reading, love you all, except my cousin Melissa cause she thinks my little cousins like her more than me which is clearly not the case but follow her on twitter cause she’s funny. K BYE.