FIRST DAY OF SUMMAAATIIMMMEEE HOLLAAAAAAA BOOM SHACKALAKAAAA ok i’ll stop.
story time. i was talking to a friend of mine who is going through a hard time in her relationship with her significant other and while we were talking, she was explaining the way they just weren’t vibing lately. none of it was animocity really, nothing too dramatic, just two people wanting entirely different things out of each other and the relationship (when you really boil it down).
she kept saying things along the lines of “i just really want to be with him” and it struck a chord with me that she was making a mistake i’ve made
SO CONTINUOUSLY OVER AND OVER a few times myself. very often, we as humans think of one SUPER SPECIFIC goal we want and tell ourselves that we want that very distinct something…a job, a person, a city you dream of living in…and lose focus of the big picture. is that a problem to want something so specifically? absolutely not!! the problem is when we stop looking at what we GENERALLY want and don’t put that first.
for instance, on a personal level, i dated someone for a year who was so wrong for me it’s nearly laughable now a couple years after. great person, but not a match for me. so why were we together for a year? because instead of focusing on how i wanted a loving, strong, honest, fun relationship, i kept telling myself i wanted HIM. a person who was not giving me the relationship i wanted.
another example: when i moved to NYC, i told myself “i want to work in the fashion industry”. i didnt say “i want to be editor in chief of allure magazine by the time im 29”. i’m so happy i handled the move this way because that overarching mission of working in the industry i loved instead of something WILDLY specific, allowed me to pursue different routes that maybe i hadn’t considered! it let me do what was most important – work in the fashion industry – and letting go of that element of control has brought me to places in my life i NEVER would’ve considered but has given me so much joy.
See what i’m saying?
it just got me to thinking that i’d want to share those two little narratives with you because my god we all do it. we all overlook what we truly want so we can make the wrong thing “work”; so we can “fix” someone; so we can micromanage our own paths. you’re not selfish to prioritize what you want, friends, and staying in a bad situation won’t fix it, it only solidifies that you’ll be unhappy for longer. who does that help? nobody. for those of you who have been around for a couple years, you know i’ve had a couple years of lessons and heartbreaks and changes and stupid car accidents. but this year has been different and honestly, it’s been a great f*cking year!!! LARGELY BECAUSE i am looking out for myself. i have a new mantra that “my life is so good, i’m not letting in anything that brings me below a certain level anymore” no matter if thats a person, a job, a trip, a night out, whatever. this year is about my growth, my goals, and me taking ownership of my happiness. it’s nobody else’s job anyway.
i’m also having a great year because i’ve had substantial amount of great wine and i just think we all deserve that kind of a moment, ya know? this one here is dark horse and it’s one of my favorite wine for the summer!
i challenge you to also do a little self introspection and see if there are any parts of your life that you are halting as well because you’re focused too narrowly on something specific instead of an overarching goal. whether you want to impact change in the world, start a family, have a strong relationship or move away, make sure you are doing those things in a way that they line up with YOUR PERSONAL goals. and remember, any one mistake you have or will make in life, i’ve probably made it 5 times myself. you’re not alone, and i’m always here for some advice. and wine suggestions cause duh.